I overslept today and had a horrible headache this morning.   My eating was off I feel like b/c I missed the morning LOL.  I didn’t count cals today; I may count points instead . . . I haven’t decided yet

Today I went to yoga and then pilates reformer.  Yoga was challenging enough that I felt like I got a workout.  It was hard to be the biggest person in the class (again).  It was hard to have to look at myself in the mirror.  I wonder if the mirrors are designed to make me look horrible?  I always sit in a position where I cannot really see myself in spinning, but in the yoga studio there was no choice; there were mirrored walls everywhere!  

Pilates was ok, I was tired and cold by then so I had a hard time focusing, especially toward the end when my stomach started growling.

food log

I hate the way I look.   I hate, hate, hate it.   I hate how I feel.  My friend posted a picture from the walk yesterday and I, I cant even express in words how I feel about the picture.    I am sitting here sobbing over it.  I look horrid….and while the colour yellow makes me look ridic, still….  all the working out I have been doing….. and I look worse than I ever have, worse than I did at 225 pounds.   I look as tall as I am wide and seriously…..    If I had the energy and didn’t feel horrid and my foot didn’t kill I would go for a run right now.    I hate looking and feeling like this.  And while the societal ideal is practically impossible for most people, I know.  I don’t want to look like Gisele or whatever.  I want to be healthy.  I want to be able to work out in a sports bra.  I want to not feel so hideous that people will actually talk to to me in real life.  I want to feel attractive and buy bras at VS and feel good about myself.  

 No workout today.  I was ridiculously sore from the walk, which was odd.  It was only 5 miles……  I went to the chiro and had a massage and I hope tomorrow I am feeling up to working out.  I’m also still sick so….. *sigh*

food log